If Deranged Sorority Emailer Wrote Obama's Gun Control Speech Scolding Senate

Earlier today an email leaked from a University of Maryland student and, due to its expletive-filled, fiery rhetoric worthy of David Mamet, it almost instantly went viral. The message, sent to the young woman's sorority sisters, forcefully instructed them to represent the sorority better at events with their "matchup" frat.

While perhaps misguided, her language and, dare we say, her passion, was so effective, we couldn't help but imagine her talents being directed at other subjects -- such as, say, senators who blocked gun control legislation in yesterday's vote. President Obama's speech chastising the lawmakers who voted against extending background checks certainly was Obama at his most visibly angry, but if he took this writer's cue, he could have gone a lot further than "shameful."

So, we took the liberty of aggregating her anger and recontextualizing its meaning, applying it instead to what Obama could have said on Wednesday. Obviously, some VERY NSFW language is used below, so if obscenity offends you, stop reading (and keep in mind, the writer's anger is so universal, we had to change very little).

If you tuned into this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this speech is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this Senate, you have been FUCKING UP in terms of reasonable gun control legislation. I've been getting texts on texts about Senators LITERALLY being so fucking INHUMANE and so fucking CALLOUS. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Barry, I've been having so much fun with my NRA pals this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so
that I don't have to fucking find you on the Hill to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Gabby Giffords does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your NRA pals. You have 364 days out of the fucking year to talk to the NRA, and today is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. Today is about repairing something broken in our communities, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to the NRA and not to families of victims. Newsflash you stupid cocks: AMERICANS DON'T LIKE COWARDS. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: AMERICANS DO NOT WANT TO VOTE FOR YOU IF YOU FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, YOU FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about how background checks won?t change anything IN FRONT OF NEWTOWN FAMILIES. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore votes. If your constituents openly said "Yeah we're gonna screw you the next chance we get", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be voting against 90% of Americans interests, I don't give a FUCK if Wayne LaPierre wants you to, if Ted Nugent wants you to, or if the entire NRA wants you to. YOU DON'T. YOU. DON'T. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other Senators to vote with you.

"But Barry!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your TV screen as you listen to this speech, "I've been saying I?m appalled by the tragedies, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP ON INTERNATIONAL FUCKING VOTES TOO. I've not only gotten texts about Senators being fucking WEIRD on the UN Arms Trade Treaty (for example, being stupid shits and adding amendments to budget bills saying "durr we don?t approve treaty?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about Senate Democrats voting with the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about bipartisanship, YOU VOTE FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN IN AN ELECTION? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking
obsessed with making the NRA like you that you think being a good little supporter of the gun community is going to make your voters happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY YOUR FUCKING VOTERS. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you IMPEACH me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Barry, I'm now crying because your speech has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this speech applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that votes against dead children or if you're a weird shit that thinks a gentle breeze can infringe on the second amendment, this following message is for you:

DO NOT RUN FOR REELECTION.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't run. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this speech and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS COUNTRY. I would rather have 40 Senators that are reasonable, talk to the families of victims, and not fucking cowardly than 80 that are fucking bitches. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to victims families I have an A rating from the NRA", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking run for reelection unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for legislation that can save fucking lives. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at the next vote, I will tell you to resign even if you're a Democrat. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this speech, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

Also on HuffPost:

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Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/18/if-deranged-sorority-emailer-wrote-obamas-gun-control-speech_n_3112108.html

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Gun background-check supporters struggle for votes

Former Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords listens as her husband, retired astronaut Mark Kelly speaks on Capitol Hill, in Washington, Tuesday, April 16, 2013, during a ceremony to honor Gabriel "Gabe" Zimmerman. Zimmerman was Giffords' outreach director until he was killed in the January 2011 shooting rampage in Tucson where Giffords was wounded. (AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

Former Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords listens as her husband, retired astronaut Mark Kelly speaks on Capitol Hill, in Washington, Tuesday, April 16, 2013, during a ceremony to honor Gabriel "Gabe" Zimmerman. Zimmerman was Giffords' outreach director until he was killed in the January 2011 shooting rampage in Tucson where Giffords was wounded. (AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

Tea Party protestor Greg Hetherington holds a sign during a second amendment protest rally held outside Senator Pat Toomey's Johnstown, Pa. office on Tuesday, April 16, 2013. (AP Photo/The Tribune-Democrat, Todd Berkey) THE MORNING CALL OUT; DAILY AMERICAN OUT; WJAC-TV OUT

FILE - In this April 10, 2013 file photo, Sen. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va., left, and Sen. Patrick Toomey, R-Pa. arrive for a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington to announce that they have reached a bipartisan deal on expanding background checks to more gun buyers. Supporters try to salvage an expansion of background checks, the heart of Congress? struggling post-Newtown effort to restrict guns. Forty-one senators are potentially ready to oppose the measure _ enough to sink it unless gun control forces figure out a way to attract more votes. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite, File)

WASHINGTON (AP) ? Senate gun control supporters struggled Tuesday to salvage their drive to expand background checks to more buyers, buoyed by a visit from wounded former Rep. Gabrielle Giffords but facing enough potential opponents to derail their endeavor unless they can figure out how to win more votes.

No. 2 Democratic leader Richard Durbin of Illinois, his party's chief vote counter, left a lunch of Democratic senators saying they would need support from nine or 10 Republicans ? a tall order. Subjecting more firearms transactions to the background checks now is the main thrust of the gun control effort launched after December's killings of school children and adults in Newtown, Conn.

Attending Tuesday's Senate lunch was Giffords, the Arizona Democrat severely hurt in a 2011 mass shooting in Tucson, and her husband, retired astronaut Mark Kelly. The two, gun owners both, have started a political committee that backs candidates who favor gun restrictions.

"His message was, 'We've been through this,'" Durbin said, describing Kelly's remarks to the lawmakers. "'We're ready to fight back to stand up for those who have the courage to vote for gun safety.'"

Giffords did not address the lawmakers.

Before the lunch, Giffords and Kelly met privately with Sens. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va., and Patrick Toomey, R-Pa. The two senators have written compromise legislation that would expand background checks to cover gun shows and the Internet, a plan gun control supporters think gives them the best chance of pushing a broader system of checks than the current one through the Senate.

"They're helping immensely just by being here and talking to our colleagues. We're close, but we sure need their help," Manchin said after that meeting.

The two senators' effort is aimed at weeding out criminals and the seriously mentally ill from getting firearms. The current background check system applies only to transactions with licensed gun dealers.

Though the Senate has been debating a broader gun bill for days, it remained unclear when votes on the Manchin-Toomey plan or other amendments would begin. Democrats were hoping roll calls could start as early as Wednesday, with the two senators' proposal generally seen as the first vote.

President Barack Obama, in an interview with NBC's "Today" show, urged lawmakers to pay attention to public support for expanding background checks and remember the slayings of 26 schoolchildren and staff at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

"The notion that Congress would defy the overwhelming instinct of the American people after what we saw happen in Newtown, I think is unimaginable," Obama said in the interview, aired Tuesday.

Besides the Manchin-Toomey proposal, Democrats were ready to offer other amendments ? likely to lose ? banning military-style assault weapons and ammunition magazines capable of carrying more than 10 rounds. Authorities have said both were used in the Newtown massacre.

Sen. John Cornyn of Texas, the No. 2 Senate GOP leader, said he was working on an amendment requiring states to recognize each other's permits for carrying concealed weapons.

While all states but Illinois, plus the District of Columbia, issue permits or have other arrangements for permitting concealed weapons, nine states don't recognize permits from other states. Gun rights defenders say making it easier to move firearms between states is protected by the Constitution, while opponents complain it would hurt states that have stricter standards for permits than others.

"Hopefully we'll start voting on this. I don't know of any reason why we wouldn't," Cornyn told reporters.

Using procedural moves, opponents would need just 41 of the Senate's 100 votes to derail the Manchin-Toomey background check plan.

Thirty-one senators voted last week to completely block debate on overall gun legislation. Just two were Democrats ? Mark Pryor of Arkansas and Mark Begich of Alaska.

If all 31 vote against the Manchin-Toomey measure ? which is not certain ? opponents will need just 10 more votes to prevail.

So far, nine of 16 Republicans who voted last week to let debate on the gun bill begin have said they will oppose Manchin-Toomey, and one other has said he is leaning toward doing so. That would give foes of expanded background checks enough votes to win.

Still uncertain is support from some Democrats from GOP-heavy states, including Max Baucus of Montana, Mary Landrieu of Louisiana and Heidi Heitkamp of North Dakota. Baucus and Landrieu face re-election next year.

As of Tuesday afternoon, Manchin, Toomey and their allies were still hunting supporters.

"We're working to get 60, and it's fluid," Vice President Joe Biden told reporters, citing the number of votes his side would need to prevail.

Aides and lobbyists have said the two lawmakers are considering allowing changes in their bill to exempt people who live far from gun dealers, making it difficult to go to the dealers' shops to have background checks performed. The hope was to attract votes from Alaska and North Dakota.

In addition, Democrats were considering allowing other votes to come before the vote on Manchin-Toomey. That might make it easier to win support for the background check expansion by letting some senators vote first against other proposals, such as the assault weapons ban, to show voters they support gun rights.

Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., the third-ranking Senate Democratic leader, was among several in his party who cited emotional speeches by other senators in their lunch Tuesday as giving hope to supporters of expanded checks.

He also emphasized the help gun control advocates have received from families of victims of Newtown and other mass shootings, who have spent many recent days visiting senators.

"The more the families who were here again have a chance to talk to people, the better we do. So if it's possible I'd like to get a little more time," Schumer said.

___

Associated Press writers Stephen Ohlemacher, Henry Jackson and Jim Abrams contributed to this report.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/3d281c11a96b4ad082fe88aa0db04305/Article_2013-04-16-Gun%20Control-Congress/id-30215609430c4cf1ac84530e6f22e030

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